Dr Amy Thunig has had a big couple of years.
Alongside publishing their memoir Tell Me Again, finishing a PhD, working full time and raising a family, Amy got married, moved house, and became a research fellow within the Jumbunna Institute for Indigenous Education and Research at the University of Technology Sydney.
As Amy shares, we're rarely privy to what goes into such achievements — it's not just passion that drives us, but often necessity.
"Particularly younger but sometimes older Indigenous people will reach out and tell me they're trying to do it all and it's overwhelming. I'm always honest and say I was close to breaking point, but for me it was about survival."
Parenting and partnering on Awabakal Country/Lake Macquarie, Amy shares the question that helps them reframe busy periods, and the household object that brings daily joy.
Unwind with… is a weekly column that explores the simple ways people take care of themselves.
My favourite way to unwind is…
I love a shower. I think that's common for people who have childcare responsibilities because you can lock the door and people leave you alone!
We have an accessible bathroom now, which means as someone with a disability I can sit and have a lovely shower and reflect about how the day went.
I also love the garden. I love when we go for walks as a family down by the water. I like baking as well, but I'm not very good at it! I do have a goal this year to make all of the party cakes out of the Woman's Weekly Children's Birthday Cake Book.
To reframe productivity, I think of root work and fruit work…
I like to ask: is it a root year or a fruit year?
It's exciting when a citrus tree you've planted starts to fruit, but what I've been taught is that you want to cut off the buds for the first three years. It looks like nothing is happening, but it's establishing good roots and eventually you have this beautiful citrus tree that requires very little maintenance.
I've had a couple of years that were root work — I was working sometimes until 3am and getting up at 7am to get the kids off to school. I was trying to write my book while finishing my PhD while working full time. And then on top of that raising a family, and a lot of that's not visible from the outside.
People don't know that you have been doing the root work. They just see all this fruit all of a sudden.
To survive a long period of busyness, I made a promise…
I haven't stopped working since I was 12. When you come from poverty you can't stop because if you stop there is no safety net. I didn't have the capacity to achieve what I wanted to achieve and rest at the same time.
So I promised myself that once I reached a point where I had some kind of a safety net, then I needed to put rest into the schedule.
I was really scared because you hear about how people are addicted to being busy and I thought, what if that's me? But no, no, the second I got into a better position with my employment, I cut right back.
It shouldn't be a privilege or a luxury to rest, but with the cost of living I think for many of us it is. I'm very grateful to have reached a point where I can have a rest — even just going to bed at a reasonable hour.
A small joy of mine…
I try not to dwell on my trauma and the hard things, but I do reflect and talk to little Amy often.
I've got a lot that I desperately yearned for as a child. I've had to work so hard for that, but sometimes there's this lovely overlap where the dreams have met.
It can be little things, like when we moved into our new house and got a fridge with the water thing at the front. I have always just considered those fridges to be the peak of luxury, and the peak of cool! Obviously, that's incredibly outdated, but for me, every time I push my cup into the fridge and water flows, I'm like, this is what little Amy thought was the equivalent of having a butler!
A favourite ritual to connect with others is…
We have a weekly check-in as a couple where we ask three questions: what made you feel loved this week; what's something that bugged you this week; and what's a way that you need support in the coming week?
It normalises having open conversations about big feelings, the little things, and areas of support we need. We also do a version with the kids at least once a week at the dinner table and they love it.
My advice on how to unwind…
Comparison is the thief of joy. If we get caught up in comparing what we're doing to others who have support behind the scenes or are coming from generational wealth, it's not a fair comparison.
Generally speaking, I think we're all doing our best. It can be valuable to access support systems and try different tools, but if something's not working for you, don't beat yourself up about it. You tried something new.
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