It all started out so innocently. My child was nearly six months old and I'd kept her alive long enough to start feeding her solid food. It was exciting but also daunting after nearly half a year of sleep deprivation. Yet another thing to do! This motherhood stuff is relentless!
So, like any millennial mother, I turned to my phone for advice and quickly found a number of social media accounts that told me what and how my child should eat (mush is out, OK? It's all about baby hors d'oeuvres).
I ate up the content and my child ate. And yet the algorithm wasn't done with me.
One night, deep in my scheduled TTT (TikTok Time), I found myself plunging quickly through nine circles of scrolling hell… to mumfluencers.
I was particularly drawn to Indy Clinton, and I was not alone. She did win TikTok Creator of the Year at the 2023 TikTok Australia Awards.
Indy documents her life in coastal NSW as the mum of three kids with frightfully close age gaps. (Yes, I appear to be on a first-name basis with Indy. Yes, I do have a troubling parasocial relationship with this influencer.)
I was gripped by the total chaos of her life. Life with one kid is chaotic enough, so watching Indy juggle an energetic toddler, a one-year-old with an attitude, and a newborn, while covered in a fine layer of breast milk, gave me a satisfying hit of schadenfreude.
But at the same time as I found Indy's "honest" depiction of motherhood relatable, I also saw that what I was really doing was gawking at wealth, and at her unattainable life.
Yes, Indy is having a rough time, but she's also a model whose hair always looks amazing and skin always looks dewy and clear (more on that later). Plus she's got a swimming pool (my dream).
Then there's US-based model and young mum Nara Smith, who recently came under internet fire for responding to her toddler's simple request for cereal by making it from scratch!!!, while dressed immaculately in the bounties of stealth wealth. Her casual shopping sprees don't help the matter either. We both love her and are deeply jealous of her.
It's worth noting that Nara is also Mormon and there's a kind of trad wife thing happening in her content and many others — see: Ballerina Farms — that is frankly kinda concerning.
Of course, while I thought I was just casually enjoying this content, I was also consuming what they are selling: an expensive, performative version of motherhood — with patriarchal under/overtones — that leaves many feeling inadequate (especially during a cozzie livs crisis).
And then there's the issue of how these mumfluencers use their children in their content; children who have not consented to having their lives documented and dissected by millions before they've even turned three.
Still, despite these moral qualms, I was bad. I scrolled.
And then… convinced that even if I couldn't have the pool of Indy Clinton I could have her skin, I bought a moisturiser she recommended/was paid to promote.
It arrived. I applied it. My skin remained the same. That's when I realised the horrible truth: Indy is almost 10 years younger than me. Yes, she has more kids than I do, but I have more years on her that no amount of *redacted* moisturiser would take those years away.
These women are working hard (double time really) and I'm reticent to criticise anyone making a buck in this economy. But, for my and my savings' sake (due to aforementioned economy), it was time for me to draw a line.
Looking into the mirror and into my shame, I made the promise to myself to put the phone down and tap out of the mumfluence.
But who will hold me to this pledge? That's between me and the algorithm.