Tips for making friends after moving to a regional community

Two years travelling Australia in a caravan means I've had lots of practice starting conversations but been somewhat starved of deeper interactions. 

So when I decided to move to Darwin, on Larrakia country, with my family, I knew I'd have to set aside my introvert tendencies and be an initiator when it came to making friends. 

Moving to a regional area (I know Darwin is a city but it's a little one of about 150,000 residents) means the pool of potential new friends is already smaller. And, even post-pandemic, more of us are moving to regional areas than to cities so there are a lot of us jumping into small pools.

Wanting to compare notes with those further along the path, I asked ABC staff and contributors to share how they met friends after moving to a regional area.

Regular interactions can build to friendship

Pat Wright moved to Geelong, Wadawurrung country, Vic

Our first friends in our new hometown were our neighbours. We started with cups of tea and conversations over the fence. Now, we help each other with all sorts of things. They also have children, so when our son was born, they gave us a huge bag of hand-me-down clothes and toys.

Through dog walking, we met a lovely local, Irene, who connected us with her friends and invited us to see her play in the local orchestra. We've also met a lot of other dog owners from our regular afternoon strolls through the surrounding streets.

I also joined a social tennis class. It's good exercise and it has been great for meeting people. It's a cliché but joining a group really does help!

Find the other newbies

Kellie Scott moved to Peterborough, Eastern Marr country, Vic

Moving from a big city to a town 2,000 kilometres away, and home to just 250 people, was pretty daunting. I was 25 and my partner at the time had secured work in the area. Luckily for me, several other girlfriends and wives had also made a sea-change for the same reason, so we were able to navigate our new surroundings together.

That included collecting our mail from the corner shop and eating at the one pub in town. It also meant walking our dogs along the wild and beautiful coastline, and sharing a bottle of red wine by a fireplace we'd just learnt to keep alight in the depths of winter.

Being away from our friends and family was hard, but we were never alone with each other and some of those women have become friends for life. 

Other newcomers get what you're going through, so when you find them, hold on tight.

Find the groups that fit your interests

Eliza Berlage moved to Renmark, Erawirung country, SA

Attending a witchy party at Waikerie was one of the first ways in which I met other quirky, young queer people like myself in a rural area.

In fact, my very first friend was a theatre maker who also moved to SA during the lockdowns. After sipping and painting together, she invited me to volunteer on the board of the arts centre she runs, which introduced me to other arty advocates.

And while I may not have yet won a premiership with my AFL or soccer team, I certainly have won the hearts of some of my teammates, who have welcomed my energy on and off the field.

The biggest lesson I have learnt is to be brave in putting myself out there, whether it's a walk, a coffee or a knock on a neighbour's door.  It can take time to break in with locals but once you do they won't let you leave!

Social media can help if you are shy

Sonya Gee, moved to Launceston, lutruwita/Tasmania

One of my partner's colleagues hosted a drop-in coffee morning a few months after we moved. It was low-key way of meeting a bunch of different people and bonding over baked goods.

I feel shy asking for numbers and end up following people on Instagram instead. I've been braver about inviting people to do things, even if it's just coffee at the markets.

Lately, I've been making friends in my new neighbourhood with … plums. I've picked kilos of fruit and have struck up the nicest exchanges – one neighbour had an Instagram story asking for homegrown fruit. She swapped flowers in return for fruit for her kids. Another knocked on the door with plum shortcake, and a local baker will return jars of jam! They're small but lovely interactions.

Join a mums' group

Juliette Steen moved to the southern Gold Coast, Yugambeh country, Qld

As an introvert I'm not one to solo join a sports team or book club, or hand out my number to a woman I get along with at an exercise class (who I never seem to see again). So when I moved to the southern Gold Coast, I accepted my fate of not making more friends than the ones I'd made growing up.

But when I had a baby at the end of 2021, I craved a super local support network and realised I needed to push myself if I wanted to feel less lonely. At a tearful maternal and child heath appointment, the nurse handed me a sign-up form to the first community mum's group since COVID had begun, and I quickly added my name.

Turns out it's incredibly easy to make connections with a group of other mums also dealing with sleep deprivation and feeling a bit lost in new parenthood. The mum's group has whittled down to four of us, but that's three supportive friendships which I'm beyond grateful for.

Don't give up

Lisa Clarke moved to Albury, Wiradjuri country, NSW

Making friends in Albury, on the NSW/Victoria border was about putting myself out there. 

That meant going to the monthly book club at the art museum, a roller derby training session, a birdwatching expedition, the Special Olympics open day, volunteering at Parkrun – just to begin with.

I went hard early on and was forward with telling others that I had come along to meet like-minded people and make new friends. 

I didn't always get it right and had to side-step some occasional negative energy, but after a few months of morning chai dates, trivia night wins and serious cake club gatherings (instigated by a new friend and keen baker), I found my tribe. 

Work is an easy in

Daniel Johnson moved to Launceston, lutruwita/Tasmania

There's arguably no better way to get a feel for the pulse of a small community than by abruptly finding yourself in the newsroom of a regional daily newspaper.

Launceston is a small city (many would argue small country town, but it is a city), which meant journos from a range of outlets regularly socialised together. So I was socially included in everything from pub trivia nights to house parties.

I'm not a particularly sporty person, so – as a recovering long-time music journalist – the other social outlet I had while living in Launceston was the small live music scene. After attending a few shows I knew there'd usually be a friendly and familiar face or two and someone to share a pint with. (Hi, Grace and Izzy, if you happen to be reading.)