I'm lucky to have my daughter, but I grieve not having more children

Hannah doesn't feel she has permission to grieve not having more children.

At 15 years old, doctors said she probably wouldn't be able to carry a baby due to a medical condition.

But at 38, she overcame a lot of health challenges and gave birth to a daughter.

"You're meant to just feel lucky that you got one," Hannah from Melbourne says.

We spoke to Hannah about the loss of not being able to grow the large family she'd always wanted as part of our series on one-child families.

These are her words.

And before we dive in, we would like to acknowledge readers who are childless not by choice.

'I always wanted to be a mum'

I had an operation on my nose as a teenager and they discovered I had high blood pressure.

People think high blood pressure is due to lifestyle, but I was a healthy 15-year-old with no other medical conditions.

The doctors were fascinated because I was so young to have it. 

I was told that I probably shouldn't have children, which was something I desperately wanted.

I was that person who was nice to all the little kids in the neighbourhood.

I was very maternal; I always wanted to be a mum.

It played on my mind a bit, especially as I got older. I was very lucky to meet my husband who was OK if I decided not to risk my life to have a baby.

A new medication

A drug had come out that was OK to have while pregnant to stabilise my high blood pressure.

Of course, I was very excited.

Unfortunately, it didn't work. The pregnancy was very hard.

I was hospitalised for most of it because my blood pressure was so high.

l was taking up to 30 tablets a day that didn't really do anything.

It was stressful trying to keep myself and my daughter alive.

I ended up having an emergency C-section because during routine monitoring, they saw the cord was wrapped around her neck and her heart rate had gone right down.

'When will you have another?'

What I went through, how we nearly lost our daughter, and the impact it had on my body — I just knew I had to be there for her.

And having another baby would jeopardise that.

I was so grateful to get this baby, but it has been hard. I was someone who wanted a lot of kids.

Not long after she was born the questions started: "When will you have another?"

Everyone gets those questions, but it's heartbreaking when you know you can't have another one.

And many people assume it's because of fertility reasons, but it's just that my heart can't take it.

I'm sad she doesn't have a sibling — having said that there are no guarantees they will be best buddies.

I have seen more of the positives as she's gotten older. It's easier to get a babysitter for one child.

If she's away at camp or my husband has a day off when she's at school, we get that time together.

I blamed myself for a long time, but I have to be here for our precious daughter.