Having an only child means we're better parents for our daughter

Anna Parry and husband Ryan had always planned to have two children.

But Anna experienced complications after the birth of their daughter, and was also diagnosed with postpartum depression.

The hope of being able to manage a second baby began to fade.

The 31-year-old from Victoria's Mornington Peninsula says at first, it felt like grief.

That slowly shifted, as Anna began to realise her desire for two children was based more on "society's idea of a family" than her own.

As part of our series on one-child families, we spoke to Anna about why she is happily one and done, and how she lets comments about only-child stereotypes wash over her.

These are her words.

Family is what you make it

I had a great pregnancy and birth with my daughter Millie, but I had a lot of post-birth complications. It was a difficult first year of parenting for Ryan and me.

Even with that, we still had this idea of wanting two kids, and were brainstorming ways we could make it possible, like opting for an elective C-section. Although we knew that would also come with risks to my health.

But as the months progressed, we really began to enjoy parenting. And enjoy it in a way where I guess we realised, this is our capacity.

We had a big chat about our values, and what we want for our life and Millie's life.

We realised family is what you make it and that we wanted to do things that might be more possible with just one child.

We want to be able to have that spontaneous ability to just go and do things, like travel.

Considering the environmental impact of having less children also helped solidify our decision.

Obviously there is more financial freedom, which means it's opened up the possibility of us buying a smaller home in our dream area. Something perfect just for the three of us.

We are the best parents for Millie with just Millie

My husband Ryan and I came to recognise we both have a lot of passion and ambition in our careers, as well as with our own health and wellbeing.

I don't love the idea that in motherhood when you have multiple children, or even one for that matter, that your existence becomes solely about the kids and survival.

People say: "Have another! It'll be hard for a few years, then it will be great."

I had really awful, drawn-out complications post-birth. I can't imagine going through that again and also having to look after an older child.

We are the best parents for Millie with just Millie.

Managing judgement from others

Our family is really supportive of our decision, but you do get the odd comment from other people.

Those comments of having to give them a sibling, and "What about when you die? I don't want my one child to have the burden of caring for me and my husband".

What has changed is my ability to sit with that and know we're OK with our decision, and we also don't need to justify it.

I think I maybe bought into the stereotype that only children were lonely or spoilt, which is funny because two of my closest high-school friends are only children, and I look at them and see the most kind and empathetic people.

People often say only children are lonely, and I'm sure at times they are. But loneliness isn't necessarily correlated to the siblings you have.

Millie has cousins we are close with, and they are almost like sibling relationships.

She has so much love around her.

How my perspective has changed

It took me about 18 months for me to be OK with the idea of having an only child.

Initially when we thought we couldn't have another, it felt like that choice had been taken away.

Now we see it as a real positive.

And we constantly evaluate where we're at, just in case our decision starts to change.

And as time goes on, the decision only solidifies.

How I've adjusted, and how my view has changed, has been interesting.