Health battles left me childless not by choice. I no longer see it as a burden

At 30, Carla McNaughton was planning to have a baby with her then-partner.

Committed to giving herself the best chance at becoming pregnant, the Brisbane local made the decision to have gastric sleeve surgery under her doctors' advice.

But testing that took place post-surgery revealed she had kidney disease.

And plans to become a mum, among other things, were suddenly off the table.

As part of our series on people who are childless not by choice, we spoke to Carla, now aged 39, about not starting a family due to health risks associated with chronic kidney disease, and why she now calls herself childfree.

These are her words.

Being diagnosed with kidney disease

What started with a doctor saying there was some "funny stuff happening with my kidney", ended up being a diagnosis of an autoimmune condition called IgA nephropathy.

[Readers note: IgA nephropathy occurs when clumps of antibodies are deposited into the kidneys, causing inflammation and damage.]

It's generally quite slow, though, and some people don't experience renal failure until 20 years later.

Initially I underwent drug therapy called steroid pulse. It's really hard to manage your life around high-dose steroids.

You turn into a hulk; there are incredible mood swings. It's hard to sleep. You feel on edge all the time.

Miscarriages, and a heartbreaking decision

My kidney function didn't return to normal and that's when I was advised I had a two-year window to have children if I wanted them.

I had established problems with my fertility, including polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), so I went straight to a fertility specialist.

We did 18 months of IVF, and it was absolutely horrible.

I had some miscarriages and the last was right around my 32nd birthday. I said to myself: this is enough for me.

Even though I had embryos remaining, I just made the decision this isn't what I wanted.

I couldn't put myself through that anymore. Coupled with knowing I was going into pregnancy with a chronic condition — meaning dialysis during pregnancy, as well as possible birth complications, and then having to care for myself and the baby.

And even though my partner at the time said not having kids wasn't a deal-breaker, I knew it was a big part of the future he anticipated for his life.

In my mind, I was robbing him. So we ended up parting.

A life-changing transplant

After about five years of good kidney function, I had problems again.

Steroid pulse wasn't successful, and I had to start dialysis.

That was probably the most exhausting and terrifying thing I'd ever done.

It's like having a part-time job. I was working full time, then I would go to the hospital at 5pm and sit on a machine until about 10pm.

I was going two then three times a week. That lasted 14 months before I got the call for a transplant.

It's been two years since then and it's been textbook perfect.

It was like working two jobs — my day job and then doing dialysis — and suddenly I didn't need that second one anymore. I have all this extra time which I'm trying to deposit back into the community through being an ambassador for Kidney Health Australia.

Not having children also means I'm able to focus on my volunteer work, career and travel — and just enjoying life with my partner.

A new path of being childfree

I was childless not by choice, but I've grown into this new and exciting world that is being childfree.

I no longer see it as a burden or something that was forced upon me.

And it really does feel like a gift.

If there was anything I would want to communicate to other women, it's that life doesn't end if you can't have kids.

If you are open to it, there is a whole raft of opportunities for you to give back to the community or to form a new family unit. The family unit doesn't have to be the nuclear family of husband and wife and two perfect children.

Every family is different, and you get to make yours.