'I cried all the time': What it's like to have postnatal depression

As many as one in five women and one in 10 men experience depression in the year after the birth of their baby.

Despite it being so common, many still struggle with how to talk about it.

That was the topic of the second episode of the latest season of You Can't Ask That, in which several mothers and one father explore their experiences with postnatal depression and other postnatal psychiatric disorders.

Julie Borninkhof, CEO of Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia (PANDA), says "hearing stories and conversations of others who have experienced perinatal mental health challenges can help in many ways."

'When did it hit you?'

For many parents, postnatal depression wasn't something they were able to recognise straight away.

"I don't remember it slamming into me, it didn't really hit me. It crept," Lorraine from Perth says.

"I didn't know the difference between the utter exhaustion of looking after a brand-new baby, with the utter exhaustion that's associated with depression."

Similarly, Gen Whitlam says it took her a while to realise she wasn't herself. Gen was being treated for a mastitis infection following her pregnancy.

It was during this period of hospitalisation she began experiencing delusions and paranoia — and soon after she was diagnosed with postnatal psychosis.

For others, signs something was 'off' came up rather quickly. For Antoinette, it was moments after giving birth.

"All around me is joy and then I feel like I can't show how I'm feeling, because I'm ashamed that I should be happy and I'm not."

In the weeks that followed, she says she went through the motions. "I did the bare minimum, but there was no like, cuddling and stroking and singing and all of those things.

"I would cry all the time."

'How full-on was the birth?'

It's a common misconception that postpartum psychiatric disorders occur as a result of a traumatic birthing experience.

While it's true that this is often the case, many women who've gone through births that were not traumatic also experience or are diagnosed with a postpartum psychiatric disorder.

Antoinette, who had what she describes as a natural and "pretty quick" birth, experienced postnatal depression and anxiety.

"I didn't have any of those problems that sometimes people understand why you would start to get depressed."

On the other hand, Steph from Wollongong was diagnosed with PTSD and postnatal depression as a result of a traumatic birth that left her with physical injuries.

"I don't even know if full-on is a word to describe how-full on it was," she says.

Steph's birthing experience was a far cry from what she'd been told to expect in her antenatal classes.

"I was always told in antenatal class just breathe the baby down, open your vagina like a lotus flower and she will flow on out.

"Basically she was stuck. They tried to vacuum her out four times, and that vacuum removed the scalp off her head."

"Once she was out on my chest, I just thought, 'Was she alive'?"

"That was quite traumatic because I didn't think that she'd made it."

Steph struggled to manage her physical injuries.

'Did you feel like you were failing as a mother?'

"Hell yeah," says Antoinette, who also struggled with breastfeeding.

"I stopped breastfeeding, and so then there was that added guilt of not only am I failing, and a shit mum, and depressed — now I'm not breastfeeding."

After Gen had been treated for postnatal psychosis and mastitis, she was finally discharged from hospital. "When I was out of hospital I was thinking, 'alright, now is my time', but I just felt stifled."

But postnatal depression isn't something only experienced by mothers. New dads often experience it, too.

Craig Anderson often felt he was failing — not as a mother, but as a father.

"You look at this baby of yours, and you constantly feel like you're failing him. It was me not being man enough, it was me not being a good enough father … it was guilt."

Watch all episodes of You Can't Ask That on ABC iview and on Wednesday nights at 9pm on ABC TV.